“Let’s aim for a win-win deal here. We only want what’s fair.”

If you ever hear these two sentences, chances are you’re dealing with an experienced negotiator.

You might be thinking to yourself:

“What’s wrong with win-win, Azfan? And fair is amazing. That’s what I want too!”

I think a story will best illustrate this point.

A few years ago, I graduated from college and was searching for a new job. I met with a manager from a prestigious financial institution to discuss a career in the financial services industry (notice the phrasing of this sentence, more on that later why it’s important). He started to describe the job and how amazing it was working for the company. To be honest, I was convinced it was an amazing opportunity. Then he said the following: “Working hours will be from 9 am to 9 pm. This is a competitive program since it leads to a great career. For this reason, it will be an unpaid internship for 3 months. At that point, you will most likely transition into paid position with all the benefits.”

Negotiation coach Jim Camp, has by far the best definition of the term “negotiation” I’ve come across in my research:

“A negotiation is the effort to bring about an agreement between two or more parties with all parties having the right to veto.”

I assessed the situation, and while it did seem promising, though the recruiter might have seen the situation as fair, to me, it was anything but fair. I was broke, struggling to pay rent, and here was this guy telling me that I had to work 12 hours, plus travel, to have the opportunity to make money in 3 months! Instead of walking out of there, I decided to negotiate and test the waters.

Me: “Ok I understand. You want committed employees who’ll go through the grind and outwork your competition. Tell me though, as a student in my position, how would you make ends meet if there’s no pay?”

Recruiter: “You could get another job to pay the bills.”

Me: “In addition to working unpaid from 9 to 9 and travelling, you think it’s reasonable for someone to take on another job to pay the bills?”

Recruiter: “No…”

Me: “All I’m asking for is a liveable wage, say $1,000 a month, and since this a great opportunity, it should work out well for both of us.”

(These was the minimum objective I would’ve settled for, more on this topic below).

Him: “That does sound reasonable, let me check.”

With that he stepped out of the room to talk to his colleague. It seemed to me he was uncertain in his sales pitch to me, but was more interested in me as a candidate because I was asking him probing questions. Upon his return, he said it wasn’t possible and that the company didn’t operate in this manner. At that point, I knew this deal wouldn’t work for me, and I decided to walk away.

A month later, I recieved a call from the manager saying that they were ready to break the rules and provide me a liveable wage.

I smiled.

“Thanks for the offer but I received another job offer”, I said. “Let’s talk in a year and see if our circumstances have changed.”

Most. Satisfying. Call. Ever.

Basic lesson here is: know what you want, and don’t settle for something that doesn’t work for you. ever.

Below are 3 qualities that differentiate average negotiators from amazing ones. These are difficult concepts for most people to integrate into their daily lives but with discipline, patience and time, anything is possible. By controlling and slowly modifying your behavior to incorporate these tenets of negotiation, you will start seeing results.

Key Aspects of Negotiation

1. Non-neediness
Always enter a negotiation from a position of strength. Needing something and wanting something are completely different. Aim to minimize the number of things you need as these will act as crutches. It’s okay to want things, but neediness makes them absolute requirements which boxes you in and limits your options. Your adversary across the table will be able to smell your neediness from across the table and will use that against you.

Ok, that’s great Azfan, but I’m actually in a difficult position now. I don’t have any offers/contracts. What do I do?

My response here is simple. Adopt an abundance mindset while working your ass off to materialize it. True abundance takes hard work and patience to build; whether it’s job offers, contracts etc. However, the abundance mindset is free. All it takes is your will and belief that there is a world of opportunities out there for you.

On a personal note, over the past few months, I’ve been pre-selecting interview candidates to join our growing team. After meeting a few prospects, it became obvious which candidates were confident in themselves and had an abundance mindset, despite circumstances, and which candidates were ruled by neediness and fear (next section & stay tuned for article on LinkedIn Direct Messages).

Remember, you are a valuable employee that the employer wants. The salary they pay you is not a favor they are doing for you. It is representative of the value they believe you are bringing to their organization. Do your research and objectively assess your market value based on your skillset. Do not be afraid to ask for what you deserve.

Who would you hire? Someone who needs validation and is paralyzed by fear or someone who acts to solve problems?

Summary: Always negotiate from a position of strength and abundance. Truly believe you don’t NEED anything, life is full of opportunities and the right ones will work in your favor.

2. Fearlessness (no)
Fear is a natural response to many situations. The world is scary and we feel afraid sometimes. The key is to understand, just as you feel fear, so does your adversary. I want you to focus on the word “No” here. Many sales professionals are taught that “No” is bad and we should always aim for a “Yes”.

“Never take no for an answer.”

The fundamental logical flaws of the statement above are two-fold:
• You create a neediness for “Yes”. It becomes your drug and you crave hearing it from people. This leads to unnecessary compromise.
• Your opponent is afraid to tell you “No” since they don’t want to be labelled as a ‘mean/rude’ person who hurt your feelings. This means they will start coming up with other excuses to soften/sugarcoat the “No” for you.
This is good. Since most people are operating this way, your objective here is simple:

Allow the other side to KNOW and FEEL comfortable that you are 100% okay with them saying NO at any given point in time.

Once the other is comfortable and truly know that you won’t have an emotional reaction to their rejection/No, they will feel comfortable telling you what they really think.

E.g: Imagine someone you really don’t like wants you to do them a favor and you don’t want to. How will you respond to them if you:
• Know they are 100% comfortable with you saying NO
• Are unsure how they will respond
• Are sure they will get upset
Think about it. If you have even a hint they will get upset, you will most likely come up with some excuse or sugarcoat your true feelings. Well, people are doing this to you every single day. Change that and allow them to feel comfortable around you. Give them the gift of expressive freedom by allowing them to express their NOs around you.

You cannot control the response. You can only ever control your reactions to the response. Thus it is important to let the other side know that you’re calm, collected and can handle anything they throw at you. Once they reveal the real reasons behind the NO, it will allow you a chance to re-assess the situation and address the concerns as required. If it works out great, if not, then you know right away, it isn’t the right fit for you. This is an attribute that differentiates GOOD negotiators from GREAT negotiators.

Similarly, when something is not to your standard or expectation, seek clarification and do not be afraid to say NO.

Summary: Allow the other side to KNOW and feel comfortable that you are 100% okay with them saying NO at any given point in time.

3. Outcome Oriented
Have a clear outcome in mind. It’s important to write down your expectations and assumptions when entering a negotiation. This way if there are any unforeseen changes, you will be able to adjust accordingly. If you don’t know clearly what you want, how will you know when you get it?

Know this: your adversary will also have an outcome in mind. It is important that you not only know their ideal outcome, but show them you understand their point of view. When you understand where both sides are coming from: what drives them, what important to them; negotiation evolves from an unsatisfactory “meet me half-way”, lazy compromise situation to a problem solving activity that leaves both parties fulfilled.

Summary: Always have a favorable outcome situation in mind. Understand and empathize with the other side but do not try and ‘make it easier’ for them.

*Note: I’ve been using the word adversary here because, in negotiations, adversary just means the other side. They’re not your friend or your pal, and even if they are, negotiation is forming an agreement between two or more parties whom all have the power to veto. Aiming to be friends when negotiating will lead to unnecessary compromise for both of you, and as a result you both will suffer the consequences of a bad deal. Be true to yourself, respect your adversary and negotiate honestly.

I’ve found massive success applying these principles in both my personal and professional life.

What do you think?

How comfortable are you saying NO?

What challenges do you see with this framework?

Write down your thoughts in the comments section below.