I’ve written on negotiation before [Click Here] and a few people reached out and asked for more detail. They said “These ideas are great, but how can I go about implementing this in my life?”

This led me to reflect and experiment with the idea of negotiation. Using myself as a human guinea pig, I extracted a 3 step process that can work in many negotiation situations. In this article, I’m going to share this simple framework which you can adopt and use to help you structure your negotiations.

Imagine this scenario:

It’s starting to become a hot summer and you decide to buy an airconditioner. You find an ad on craigslist that has a used one listed for $50. You think to yourself, “wow, $50! what a great deal!”. After meeting with the seller, you pay them $50 and go home, happy with your new airconditioner.

Why didn’t you negotiate?

At this point, most people say something along the lines of:

• I don’t like haggling (negative view of negotiation)
• It was a fair price (how do you define fair? fairness is a subjective definition)
• Wait. I could’ve negotiated? (unaware of social psychological principles of negotiation in human behavior. [Click Here] for recommendations on two great negotiation books )

Recently, my brother came to visit me over Christmas break. After he left, I opened up my internet bill and was shocked to find a $100 surcharge on excessive internet usage. I knew we had gone over my internet data usage limit, but I wasn’t aware that it was over to such an extent. I decided to call my internet provider and get an understanding of how they reached that conclusion.

Below is a condensed version of how the call went:

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Me: “Hi, I’d like to inquire as to why my internet usage is a $100 over.”

Rep: “It says that your usage went up during x,y,z days and went x over the limit which explains the surcharge”

Me: “Hmm, I see. I completely understand. I used more internet and I’m being charged for my excessive usage. I’m curious though, with my phone data, whenever I reach the limit, I’m notified and then I’m notified again when I’ve gone over. That didn’t happen with my internet.”

Rep: “Do you have the notification feature turned on?”

Me: “I believe I would’ve opted-in when I signed up for the service.”

Rep: “If you read our website, it says that it will notify you but the notification is not guaranteed to be sent out.”

Me: “Hold on John. Walk through this process with me. I sign up for this notification service. I go reach my limit and don’t get notified even though I opt-in for the service, and it’s okay because there’s an asterisk on the website in font size 2 that says it doesn’t work sometimes? Why offer a feature to customers that is only half working? Does this make sense to you?

Rep: “err…”

Me: “I understand technology is complicated but I find this situation strange. Is there anything you can do to help me out on reducing this bill?”

Rep: “hold on, let me check with my manager.”

*returns*

Rep: “I checked with my manager and I can offer you $25 dollars off your bill.”

Me: “Thank you for that generous offer John. I love the service and you’ve been extremely helpful. Is there any way you could reduce it further?”

Rep: “hold on one second.”

*returns*

Rep: “Hey Azfan, I can take $50 off your bill and on top of that I’m upgrading your usage to unlimited ($15/mo) for a year for free so you don’t have to worry about going over again.”

Me: “Thanks John.”

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According to this article [Click Here] more than half of people don’t negotiate their salary. I find this unsurprising. Negotiation isn’t a skill that you can learn in one day for your job interview and put on the shelf for a couple of years until you need it again. It’s an art form that requires finesse. It’s a skill that requires deliberate practice. By taking every small opportunity you are given to negotiate, you become better each time you practice.

The Triple A Framework

Acknowledge

The first step of the process is to gain a deep understanding of where the other side is coming from. Why do they think the way they do? What led them to take their current stance? Your job in this phase is to gather as much information as possible that helps you understand why the other side thinks the way they do.

If you don’t understand why the other person wants what they want, how do you know what you’re offering is of value to them?

According to ex-FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, an indicator of when you’ve understood the other side is when you’re able to paraphrase what they’ve said to you back to them and they say “That’s Right” or “Exactly”. [Click Here]

Adjust

Once you’ve understood the other side, it is now your responsibility to adjust the frame of the situation to one that covers both your view point and the other side. This might not always be possible but more often than not, it is possible and requires creative effort.

Since the other side has stated what is important to them and you know what’s important to you, you can use their statements as solid ground to stand on when creating links between ideas. Frame the hell out of everything – Life is subjective, understand others and help others understand your point of view.

In the example above, I chose adjust the conversation around the notification delivery system, since that would most likely result in the outcome of getting a discount on my bill and also notify my internet provider that they probably should get that system fixed.

Attack/Ask

The final step is to go for the ask. Since you’ve already acknowledged the other side and adjust the perspective of the conversation to suit both parties, your ask should not be a surprise to anyone.

2 rules:

• make your ask clear
• stay silent after your ask – DO NOT fill the silence with awkward rambling

How to implement the Triple A Negotiation Framework

1. Almost everything is negotiable.

If you never ask, the answer is always no. Every setback is an opportunity. Use this knowledge to get from where you are to where you want to go.

2. Start small and conquer all.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. It was built brick by brick. Take every opportunity you have to practice negotiation, and before long, watching you negotiate will be comparable to looking at a priceless work of art.

Remember: Acknowledge. Adjust. Attack.

Try the framework out if you dare and let me know in the comments below how it went!